"Tips for being a Top-notch Reporter"

Today, it is easier than ever to be a top-notch Investigative News Reporter.
Here are some simple tips to follow that will help you be the best that you can be!**

Step One:
To begin, you have got to do some investigating. With the invention of the Internet, this task has become much easier. Simply sit down at a computer connected to the Internet (you typically want a fast connection) and type the following into your navigation bar: www.google.com. After navigating via the Internet to the town of Google, it is time to put on your game face and find yourself a story. You are very lucky because Google is a very interesting place, and it is full of potential topics for you to write about. I personally like to begin by typing in something along the lines of "Today's Top News", "Today's Headlines", or "Top Stories". This will lead you to a wealth of different headlines for you to choose from. Read through some, and pick your story. Once you have picked a topic that you feel comfortable with, we can move on to step two.

Step Two:
After have chosen a topic it is time to research it. Thank god we are still at the computer or this task could take you a long time. At this point you are going to want to find your way back to Google. Once there, type in your topic and push search. I normally like to stick to the top three search results because they are  normally the most accurate, and because I am lazy. It is important that you spend time researching your topic. You want to have a good understanding, so I would say that you should typically spend about five minutes reading over the material. Once you feel slightly more knowledgeable, it is time for step three.

Step Three:
Now it is time to report your findings. To begin, think of a clever title. Something short and catchy works well because it will draw in readers. For example: "Cat's are cool!". That title will bring in lots of interest because: (a) it is short and straight to the point, and (b) it is truthful. A good Investigative Reporter will only report the truth (and because Cats are the coolest of the animals, this title indicates that you are a great reporter!). After coming up with the title, you need to write the article. Think about everything you just read on the topic and type it up. You don't need to pay much attention to spelling or grammar because you have already got the support of your reader from your catchy, truthful title. It is also important that you use ridiculously long words in your article to make sure that it is obviously apparent that you did not plagiarize, because that is a serious writing offense.

And you're done. This three step method is proven to help you write a great article. And when you are done you can sit back with a martini and think about all the hard investigating and researching you did today. You deserve that martini, and a pat on the back. You really are a great reporter. And you did all that work without leaving your nice air conditioned apartment. Think about all the losers who spent their day outside in the fresh air. Not you. You are too smart for them, ha!

xx*courtney.

**WARNING: This method is proven to help you be the best you can be, not simply be the best. If you intend to follow any of the above instructions I can not promise you fame and fortune, but rather a martini at the end of the night, pale skin (cause you never leave your apartment) and an overgrown ego.